was really a small journey that was elongated.
what took 40 dreadful years could have taken something like only 7 days.
sounds a lot like my life.
what i so selfishly want is for one foot to be leaving Egypt
while the other is hitting fresh ground in the Promise Land.
[quickness of journey is what i secretly desire.]
i think, if we were honest, we all want it.
deep down inside.
but still.
time is something i will never author.
only He will.
something inside of me cringes at the idea of 40years.
why, Lord?
why so long?
is what i wine about often.
i forget so easily that He has plans
that maybe don't line up with mine.
but they are full of beauty and one day i will trust
that they are best for me.
maybe, just maybe...
those 40years cause something to arise inside.
maybe those 40years cause longing for the Promise Land.
maybe, just maybe...
those 40years cause something to die inside.
maybe those 40years cause death to the Egypt within.
maybe, just maybe...
the Great Shepherd knows what He is doing.
maybe He leads well after all.
teach me to not despise the journey that You have me on, God.
to not hate the time You are investing in me.
oh God, teach me to love You through it all.
but i know that You are a good Teacher.
in hind-sight i realize one of the greatest lessons that i have learned
was what i feel has been Your plan all along.
surely i have fallen and stumbled over my own two feet
sometimes more than others.
but.
i'm realizing that through those dark nights of the soul
where i had to stare the flesh within me face-to-face.
it was in those nights.
in those dry & dessert filled seasons.
that You was doing surgery within me.
because now i feel it.
i awake to realize that something monumental has happened within me.
something that i surely did not do to myself.
but something that You have marvelously done.
"for the righteous falls seven times and rises again..."
proverbs 24:16
for the longest time, my battle was against my falling.
i strived and strived to eliminate my falling.
to exalt my perfection.
to limit my imperfection.
but You have showed me the way of Life.
that You are the only thing to be exalted in my life.
not my sin.
not my short-comings.
not my own weakness.
and in the beauty of Your plans,
You have strengthened me to rise again.
You could have taken away my ability to fall.
but instead You have made it for me
to NEED You.
You have designed it for me to run to You
time & time again.
in the valley of weakness,
You have shown me that running to You is better.
far better.
than running from You.
You put a craving for another place in my heart.
when it's so easy to look back to the egypt that i've come from.
i have come realize that it's nothing compared to the home You've showed me.
the home that i have in You.
a wise man once told me that abiding is simple.
though i didn't understand him then.
i faintly am beginning to now.
he said,
'abiding is to just keep coming back to Him'
though i wander, You always bring me home.
thank You, Jesus.
You are the kindest man i know.
through all of my journey.
You have lead me well.
from my seasons of slavery.
to the places You have promised.
teach me to call on You
as the God of my exodus.
for no one else will do
what You alone have done in me.
until You speak again,
amen.
